Overcoming imposter syndrome through gratitude
By: Hayley Power
Credit: Claudia Tawrel Photos
The day you look in the mirror and realize you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be can change your outlook on life. For me, this happened about two months into college, after spending time with new friends who already felt like sisters. I looked at myself and thought, I made it. While it may sound cheesy, sometimes you need to reflect on where you were to appreciate where you are now.
Throughout my senior year of high school, I felt stuck. I’d lived in the same house my entire life and had grown up with the same people. By the time I turned 17, I felt frozen. There’s something about being unable to escape the image that people have always had of you that makes change feel impossible. No matter how hard I worked, what I achieved, or how much I tried to grow, I felt like the same awkward girl who didn’t quite belong. It was imposter syndrome—I could never feel proud of myself. I yearned to leave my hometown and everything around me.
“We are in such a hurry to grow up, and then we long for your lost childhood. We make ourselves ill earning money, and then spend all our money on getting well again. We think so much about the future that we neglect the present, and thus experience neither the present nor the future. We live as if we were never going to die, and die as if we had never lived.” ― Paulo Coelho, Like the Flowing River
The day I got into the University of Florida felt like a fever dream. This feat was one I never thought I could accomplish, partly due to people telling me I couldn’t and partly because of my own doubts. The months between my acceptance and move-in were a mix of excitement and the feeling that I was playing a role. This all changed when I moved to Gainesville.
I decided to be hopeful and ready for new experiences. I would no longer be a compressed ball of anxiety, and I would stop putting myself into this box that made me believe I would never reach my potential. Don’t get me wrong, breaking free from the feeling of not belonging took time, but I surrounded myself with inspiring people, found creative outlets, and focused on becoming the person I wanted to be. Slowly, things began to click into place.
One night, I was photographing a local music event, my first in Gainesville, and all of my friends showed up to support me. Having a support system beside me brought me to tears.
“I have to tell you, I’m so proud of you,” one friend told me. “A month ago, you said you wanted to do this, and now you’ve made it a reality. It’s so inspiring.”
That night, lying in bed, I realized not only was I accomplishing my dreams, but I was surrounded by people who were watching it happen.
My friends and I at our first Gainesville event together!
I went back to my hometown the next morning. I can’t explain the wave of nostalgia that hit me even though I had been gone for the equivalent of a few weeks at summer camp. I passed my old high school, remembering all the memories I made with my hometown friends and how they shaped me into who I was. I passed my best friend's house and thought about our hopes and dreams waiting for us outside this town. I stood in the doorway of my childhood bedroom looking into the space that will forever be stuck in my senior year. Instead of having a sleepless night full of stressing about the next chapter and yearning to leave, I spent the night reflecting on how far I had come in such little time and how grateful I was for my life so far.
I’m still the same person I was during my high school graduation. I still have dreams I’m working towards, things I want to accomplish, places I want to travel. But instead of feeling like I’m falling behind because I haven’t done every single thing I want to, I feel proud that I’m working towards my goals. Instead of forcing myself to act a certain way or dress in certain clothes to fit in with everyone around me, I embrace the unique things that make me… me. Instead of resenting the people I grew up with, I appreciate them for shaping me into who I am today.
Being in Gainesville has made me appreciate what came before. This chapter wouldn’t feel so fulfilling if it weren’t for everything that led me here. While Gainesville may not always be my home, it is right now—and that’s what’s so special. College has been like accidental therapy, and I’m incredibly thankful for it. Whether you’re a high school senior or just feeling stuck, know there’s a world out there waiting for you. Maybe it’s college, maybe it’s UF, or maybe it’s whatever comes next. Either way, embrace the journey because you wouldn’t be where you are today without the steps you’ve taken so far.
Hayley Power is a first-year Media Production major at the University of Florida. She’s an online writer for Rowdy Magazine, a photographer for Swamp Records, on the marketing team for The Women’s Network UF, and part of Dance Marathon’s multimedia team. She’s obsessed with all things music, media, and reality TV.
Comments