Get Bounced from The Comfort of Your Couch

Train online to get into the world’s most exclusive club, Berghein. (Fat’s could never).

If you asked me a week ago about the nightlife scene in Germany, I would’ve just blinked. Head empty, no thoughts.

But if your Tik Tok algorithm is anything like mine, Berghain has been put on your radar.

A recent trend on Tik Tok (#berghaintrainer) is not a dance, but videos of teens trying to get into what is unofficially dubbed as the “most exclusive club in the world” through a virtual reality simulation.

Yes, you read that right.

Even now, people are seeking out the crushing defeat of getting bounced during quarantine.

The Berghain Trainer, a virtual reality simulation, was developed by the independent digital agency Sansho Studio back in 2016 as part of an exhibition in London’s “working arts center”, Somerset House. The exhibition, Nocturnal City, highlights Europe’s party scene and its influence, a perfect opportunity to highlight the “best club in the world,” Berghain.

Located in Berlin, Berghain is a hedonistic fantasy; those who have been let in share stories of sex rooms, drugs galore and techno blasting through a state-of-the-art surround sound system. But before pulling out your favorite black tube top, don’t get your hopes too high. Rumor has it even Britney Spears got turned away at the door.

So yeah, maybe trying out a VR experience before buying a ticket to Germany isn’t a bad idea. The website trains you get past Sven, the bouncer (who is played by an actor, unfortunately. The real Sven Marquardt has an agent and would probably charge a small fortune to feature in the trainer considering he stars in a whole documentary about Berlin bouncers.)

The trainer is simple. Allow access to your camera and microphone for the simulator to scan your face and register your voice (feeling really judged trying to get into a club in PJs right now). Answer three questions and lower the volume so you won’t get intimidated by the underlying audio of a heart beating really fast.

For my training, I didn’t go in empty-handed; I did my research. I tried all of the tactics I had seen online: Look bored. Flirt with him in German. Do the Debby Ryan face. Don’t look into his eyes. Look into his eyes.

Yeah, I didn’t get in. I hate it here.

The trend has propelled so much traffic to the site that Berghain Trainer is now limiting users to playing once a day due to their overwhelmed servers. While it’s unfortunate for people like me who don’t have beginner’s luck, it does make the simulation even more realistic.

So try your luck. But, if you get in, don’t tell me. I’m still not over it.

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Sandra Salvatierra is a copywriter for Rowdy Magazine. She likes red pepper flakes, the color yellow and Spotify playlists that makes her feel like she is the star of an A24 film. You can reach her on Instagram @sighsandy.