Political Campaign Merch That Just Makes Sense <3

Can’t stop me from dripping this election season.

(@bidenbeauty / Instagram)

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Even though I’m voting by mail, you know the fit is going hard on my way to the mailbox.

Political merchandise is important in showing your support for politicians whose ideals you agree with, but it is just as crucial in determining whether or not someone’s a racist with a mere glance. The 2016 election proved just how important the color of a hat was in split judgments. Somehow, Trump ruined red for me.

The 2020 presidential election poses new challenges and adaptations to the changing times. 

Joe Biden’s official online merchandise shop announced its release of loungewear with the tagline “Just in time for sweater weather” accompanied with a purple and blue background. Of course, the girls and the gays ate this up with theories that Biden’s campaign may inadvertently be supporting the bisexual community through its association with the song by The Neighborhood and the color choice mimicking that of the pride flag.

In all honesty, some of the best merchandise has come from independent brands desperate to get Trump out of office. Indie makeup brand BIDEN Beauty has launched its brand with the promise to donate all proceeds to the Biden/Harris campaign. Currently, it’s selling a sweater, tote bag, pins, and an iconic blue beauty blender for $20.20. We love relevancy and irony blended into one.

If indie brands are coming up with unique ideas like this, I wonder what the official merchandise stores have done to keep up? Well, I went through each store and picked out my favorite ones. Let’s put those millennial marketing teams to the test and unpack some of these...choices.

1) I Paid More In Taxes Than Donald Trump Athletic Heather T-shirt for $30

Guns blazing, Sir Joe did not hold back at all with this one. Sleepy Joe said I am WIDE awake for this public drag. This shirt is a reference to Trump’s leaked tax returns from the New York Times only a day before the first presidential debate. Joe and his running mate, Kamala Harris, shared their own tax returns the day of the debate as a massive “F*ck You!” to the cheat in office.

2) Impeach This Tee for $30

Ha. HA! Laugh with me regarding the utter irony of this shirt. Displaying the horrifying electoral college voting distribution of 2016, the shirt reads “Impeach this!” Cool. We did. Contrary to extremely popular belief, it seems, Trump was indeed impeached. As brief US government lesson to my friends: impeachment is the trial process, not the actual removal from office. 

So in 2019 Donald Trump joined Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton in becoming one of three presidents in history to be in impeached. The House of Representatives impeached him specifically, but he’s still in office because the Senate did not have a two-thirds vote to officially remove him from office (unfortunately).

3) Young Joe Biden Black Tank for $25 

Oh, Young Joe. It seems like a sign from the past reminding us of a much simpler, much hornier time. Back in November 2016, Twitter blew up with thirst comments over this picture of Young Joe Biden™. Harkening back to the olden days of party unity and Democratic presidency, Joe may be trying to remind us of better times. (And probably boosting his own ego in the process.)

4) I Cry Less Than a Democrat Infant One-Piece for $18

NEED I SAY MORE? I wish he sold these in a women’s medium. Can someone get me the contact info with his merch team?

5) Out for Biden Heather Grey T-Shirt for $30 

Okay, Joe, we really do have to unpack this one. What is this man trying to say? Are we coming out for Joe Biden? Because of? With? Are we going out to vote for Joe Biden and also just so happen to be gay? I really don’t know what this man is trying to say. Does he?

6) Trump-Pence 2020 Wood Semi-Truck for $35 

Why? For once, I wish someone would mansplain this decision to me. I guess this would be useful when Republican children want to ignite political debates in daycare. Dissecting human rights abuses at the US-Mexican border over animal crackers, perhaps?

7) Animal Crossing Digital Downloads for FREE

Old Joe knows how to keep up with the kids! Possibly jumping off other politicians’ association with the popular Nintendo game, Joe and Harris released free digital codes so your character can show off their political pride. The idea that Animal Crossing has been politicized leaves me feeling funny. Is resident capitalist Tom Nook a Republican? I’m logging off for the night.

8) If You Don't Like Trump Tee for $30

Yeah, you’re probably right *insert sparkle emoji.

9) Baby for Biden Navy One-Piece for $25

STOP! POLITICIZING! BABIES! 2020! It does have a nice ring to it, though…

10) Official Donald J. Trump Make America Great Again Hat - Red for $25 

Who would I be if I didn’t mention the infamous instigator of modern-day debates? For only $20 you can purchase a symbol of white supremacy! Now no one has to ask you how you feel about human rights. We know  <3 

Um. I guess I’ll hit the voting booths sans clothing this November. Who’s with me?

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Kaylinn Escobar is a Staff Writer at Rowdy Magazine. She's fond of underrated claymation, sitting in extravagant chairs, and yearning to the sound of the 2005 Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. She adores classics, healthcare, and re-told historical fiction. Reach out to her at kaylinnescobar@ufl.edu for more info.