Shagging on the First Date, Yay or Nay?

Let's redefine the narrative of hook-up culture.

( @porebrik_jpg / Unsplash )

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Picture this: you're headed home after an almost perfect date. Your potential new partner meets every single one of your unrealistic standards and best of all... they’re financially stable *gulp.*

You reach home, look deep into your partner’s eyes. You can’t tell if those eyes translate to “plz let’s have sexy time” or a simple smooch on the lips before heading separate ways. Do you invite them in? Or give them a tease with a subtle kiss?

There is no finite answer TBH.

Although many would argue that sex on the first date is an absolute relationship killer, I feel that there are multiple ways the dynamic could be successful. Sex has become increasingly less taboo, especially when you take the development of recent today’s hook-up culture into account.

According to a 2020 Pew Research Study, 70% of men and 55% of women are cool with casual sex. Random hook-ups have become normalized, as have the usage of dating apps like Tinder and Grindr to set up said hook-ups. Yeah I know there are a few of you who’ve found your partner through these apps, but let’s be honest, I think we can all agree on the primary function of these apps. They’ve evolved into quick ways to find a substitute for intimacy rather than an actual partner.

So, as hookup culture becomes more chill, you may begin to ask yourself: Why do I still feel ashamed to have sex so early on? The answer lies within the way each of us were socialized. Many people, especially women, were forced to suppress any and all sexual expression. This could be for religious reasons, as a sign of sexual expression was deemed as evil because the big man upstairs said so.

In reality, though who gives a fuck if you spread your legs on the first, third, or even fifth date. Honestly, it all goes back to your preferences and what you are looking for in a partner.

With all that said, I strongly believe that communication is the key to salvaging some form of relationship (if that’s the route you choose to take). If the sex is great, but the date was hella awkward then maybe express that you want a friends with benefits situation, as opposed to something more serious. If the date was amazing and the sex was shitty then maybe just wait a couple weeks and see how things play out; this is why it is so vital to be aware of what you want out of a relationship.

An indecisive choice leads to an indecisive relationship.

Personally, I don’t think it really matters if someone becomes intimate early-on. As long as you are both aware that you could potentially ghost each other almost immediately after saying goodbye, you should be okie dokie. Again, as I mentioned previously, communication is essential in order to figure out what both partners want out of the relationship, or if they even want a relationship.

In the instance that you do decide to invite your partner back over to your place after dinner, it is important to keep in mind that this is your first intimate moment with this person. With that said, just a friendly reminder to “wrap it before you tap it.” You have no idea how many times your partner has had other tinder-first date-hookups (that’s a mouthful, pun not intended).

Though it may seem ‘spooky’ to open yourself up so intimately to another person, it is honestly not that big of a deal, like at all. I mean what’s the worst that could happen, you get a free meal and then sub-par sex, what could be better than that?

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Kyle Hamilton is an Online Writer for the 'After Dark' portion of Rowdy Magazine. In his free time he enjoys photography, being super gay, and drinking enough cold brew to kill a small child. You can find him at @hamkyl on insta ;)